Says I. With respect to the picture below. Of said piece of man.
The conversation that followed THAT out of a strep-throat stricken Optimuscrime was, well. Funny?  Yes. Funny.

Me: Johnny Depp is so cool /swoons over picture on internet

OC: What?

Me: Johnny Depp’s coat. It’s so -

OC: What the hell is up with women and Johnny Depp?  If like, any guy wore that -(sputters with rage here)- you’d well….if you were walking down the street and you saw a guy dressed like that you wouldn’t be all “ooooooh! Johnny Depp!” You’d be all “wtf is up with your outfit and facial hair and purple sunglasses?”

Johnny Depp is rad.  Remember that talk show where he went on and it was after Pirates of the Caribbean (I) and he had his gold teeth still in? and the host was all “so…..still in costume?” and Johnny was all “yeah, I’m waiting to see a dentist”

Like the poor match girl instead of being all ‘please sir, spare some change and buy a match’ he’s all ‘please sir, please take off my gold fronts.’  Dude just likes being a pirate.
Again. Crazy = HOT on Johnny Depp, yet creepy on weird guy you meet in the alleyway.

I’d explain this link to you, but I fear that would interrupt with my practices of what can only be called ‘evil’.  Because, you know….that’s what we atheists do.  Practice evil.

(this is a lovely letter to the editor from Alice in Alaska to the Peninsula Clarion posted back in January.  But we here at Optimuscrime Kingston headquarters try to keep you CURRENT and therefore only post the latest, most breaking in internet news.)

So, when you conjure up a picture of a coalition of nuns that battle social injustice, what do YOU see? Axis of Evil? Or a group of sweet, gentle, outraged about crimes against humanity, passionate, PIOUS set of women? nuns for social justice? i’d support that - and I’m not godfearing folk. The coalition was founded in 1969 for individual nuns dedicated to the issues of social justice and human rights.

Anywhoo, they’ve used their divine powers to call out for an impeachment of Bush and Cheney.

“The National Coalition of American Nuns is impelled by conscience to call you to act promptly to impeach President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney for … high crimes and misdemeanors,” the group wrote in a letter written on behalf of its board members. source

Bush and Cheney should be impeached for:

“deceiving the public under the false pretense that Iraq possessed weapons of mass destruction” and “destroying” the reputation of the United States and the good will of other nations.

Kudos to the nuns! Nevermind if you’re godfearing folk or not….when a band of progressive nuns tell you you’re evil, you should at least reconsider your current strategies. I can already see tomorrow’s headlines: Basket of Adorable Puppies Against Bush and Cheney, Leading Scientists Discover.

Has it been awhile since you’ve had a good rage? then (if you haven’t already) you should read about the racist mom article. It’s about a woman who basically thinks all Arabics are terrorists. And caused a huge karfuffle over it. And then pawns it off as ‘think of the children’.

here goes.

It’s been a busy summer - wrestling polar bears and their respective monitors in the Canadian Arctic, sucking royally at ultimate frisbee and constantly being amazed at my team’s willingness to forgive my lack of skills, three soccer teams - two of which made into championship finals…bonding with random kittens. It’s been an exciting summer. But here’s where it gets even better (did you really think that was possible?)

There’s a Tim Horton’s in Biosciences, the building where my lab and office are located. I normally go for my large regular coffee and bring it back to my desk, making nice and chatting with the lovely staff upstairs.

TODAY i asked for a fruit explosion muffin - and they got me a FRESH one from the back. Hot off the press! they picked the one with extra jelly for me! told me to be careful and not burn myself. SO FRIENDLY WAS THEY. Does this mean I’m destined for a year of fresh coffee? the possibilities are limitless.

My life could not possibly get any better right now. Except that I forgot the steam lines that should be emanating from the muffin below.

Seriously, I worry for the youth of today.

Do you see anything wrong with the following image I screen-capped from the CoverGirl presentation of Rihanna’s Umbrella video?

At the part where it says ‘hometown of Barbados’ there should have been some part of you inside that twinged and said in that teensy tinsy little voice of logic and reason:

“But, Barbados is a country”.  Yes.  Barbados IS a country.  Nobody says come visit Optimuscrime Kingston’s hometown of Canada or Ontario, even.  Nobody says come visit Optimuscrime Kingston’s Omom’s hometown of Latvia even.  I don’t care that the country of Barbados may be a more attractive destination than the countries Latvia and Canada (something to do with tropical sunshine and beaches and well, since I’m from Queen’s I would know anything about that.  You’d need to talk to someone from McGill.)

I shouldn’t pick on copy editors or whomever is in charge of fact checking over at CoverGirl.  But I am.  Because otherwise, I have to work on my OWN research and it’s 4:55 pm in my hometown of KINGSTON and Lord knows I am close to being done for the day: the sun is shining, my filthy hordes of laundry is beckoning.  And everytime I hear the word ‘Barbados’ I go into a rage because, well, I chose Arctic research at Queen’s.  When instead, if I had been more inclined, I could have studied at the McGill Bellairs Research Institute, in the hometown of Holetown in the Parish of St. James in the country of Barbados.  Polar bears, rawr!

I’ve come out of hiding to help enable answers to that age-old question:

“Bauer versus Bond: Who would come out on top?”

In an ultimate showdown: who would come out on top? both follow the age-old mantra ‘one shot, one kill’. Both are tough bananas and can punch their ways out of paper bags. I think in a fist fight they might be an even match.

Both dudes can fight. We’ve most recently seen Bauer in action. But have you seen Bond ka-pow bad villains? Both are masters of the ‘i’ve been beaten but in the last second i will vanquish with you’ bits.

Both have unbelievably high pain thresholds.
Do you remember when Bond welcomed kicks to his family jewels with a devilish, handsome grin? Do you remember when Bauer was KILLED and then brought back to life for MORE pain? (and he still didn’t give up the goods).

Bond’s got charm, chiseled features, a way with the ladies. And excellent, tailored clothing. But, as we’re learning, Bauer is also a bit of a sly fox, having fathered his brothers son (oh come on, he looks EXACTLY like Kim), slept with co-workers, slept with his boss, etc. Bauer also has that hipster image going for him. Remember the man-purse from last season? how *awesome* was that?
Taglines:
Bauer’s “dammit” has inspired drinking games.

Bond’s “shaken, not stirred” and “Bond, James Bond” has inspired legions of teenage boys imitating their hero. You don’t see many 13 year olds running around shaking their heads and muttering indiscernible ‘dammit!’s in odes to their hero Bauer. Or maybe you do and I’m just not in touch with what kids are in to these days. But I feel more boys practice the ‘Bond, James Bond’ in front of their mirror in the privacy of their bedrooms.

Who has the better job? Bond always ends up on yachts, it seems. In some linen outfit or other in a tropical climate. Bauer ends up in Chinese prisons and remains mute for 3 years, only to be brought back by his country to be killed by terrorists. Although, Bond did get left in some terrorist prison or other at some point. He toughed it out alright and I think he escaped, lucky fella. I think they were surprised to see him alive in Britain.
Better theme music? Definately Bond. Although, I wouldn’t qualify the boop-beep as music, it IS still pretty catchy and everyone knows exactly what you’re talking about when you make that noise.

The videogames: I really quite like Goldeneye and I’m pretty sure that’s a classic. I’ve not tried my hand at the 24 game so I can’t say for sure.

I’d say Bond girls in general are better than Bauer girls: more hip, more sass, more cleavage. Although, I do think Chloe’s got gumption.  The day Chloe rocked the machine gun was a great event in TV history.
Anyways, these are the issues that plague my mind at 7:30 pm on a Wednesday evening. Not world hunger, not world peace.

It’s that time of year again: Tim Horton’s Roll up the Rim to Win time, with all sorts of exciting prizes. A Toyota Camry (hybrid), televizzles, cash, doughnuts, muffins and more!

Every year I buy twice my weight in empty coffee cups. Every year I only win one or none doughnuts and have not redeemed either my production of waste or extravagance in spending.
It has begun.

Courtesy of Myheritage.  I don’t have many pictures of myself.  And it’s funny, because apparently no boy celebrities look like me.   And I’m pretty sure I don’t look like Lucy Liu.  But. meh.  I need to a) find and b) try a better picture of myself at some point so it’s a bit more realistic.  Because life and death matters obviously hinge on which celebrity I look like most.

Today was a great day. Today was a sunny, brisk, snowy sort of day that started out with a really good, filling breakfast at the Limestone Cafe & Grill (just seconds from our humble abode) and followed by hours of communing with nature at the Little Cataraqui Conservation Area with my good friend Whitney. She strapped on her snowshoes, I strapped on my mom’s old cross-country skis and off we went to explore the trails.  The sun was shining, the wind was brisk on our faces (and fingers).  The snow was perfect, everyone we met was friendly and helpful. Including the chickadees (not helpful, just friendly). For a few brief minutes I felt like Cinderella as the birds twittered and flocked to us as we picked up the black seeds off the ground and offered them in our outstretched palms.

So at the end of this, we did what any sane person does after spending an afternoon out frolicking in winter: we went for apple cider.  Admittedly, at Starbucks, but we have friends that work there.  I had my first taste of a Caramel Apple Cider, which was described to me as being one of the best things ever.  And it was: it kind of tasted like apple pie - and it was only apple cider with whipped cream and caramel topping.  Amazing.  It was sugary and fantastic.  And I’ve been drooling about it ever since I got home.  But then I finally looked up the nutritional info? that delicious, sugary, fantastic thing was over 400 calories.  That’s a MEAL.  I think I was happier pretending that my apple cider was good for me.  But I suppose this info will keep me from getting fat, and keep me financially stable.